


This Nowhere

by wrack



Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Afterlife, Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/F, Implied Timeline Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 14:24:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20968034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrack/pseuds/wrack
Summary: The end was almost peaceful, when it came.Jax supposed she ought to be glad.





	This Nowhere

**Author's Note:**

> My Ghost's Light is so dim, there's no point following me further into this fog – any hope of raising me died halfway through the Stills – I only hope she's got strength enough to take this ember to where you fell, to dance once more with any last whisper of your own light left on this cursed, broken rock.
> 
> -Eriana-3, “Ghost Fragment: The Hellmouth 2”

Jax felt her go out.

The end was almost peaceful, when it came. _We ought to be glad_, Jax told herself – might have told herself, if she had not poured what was left of her energy into recording and editing Eriana's last moments. It was better than fading away down there in the dark, a trapped flame suffocating amid damp, close rock. It was better than teeth, better than long-fingered hands, better than the slow, tortuous rending of Light from self. Better, better, so much better. The best possible outcome, given their circumstances. 

“The real tragedy of us,” Yuka had said once (Yuka, who'd died begging and begging and begging-), “of us Ghosts, I mean – is that they'll never feel for us the way we do for them.”

“What do you mean?” Jax said, defensive right off the bat. Their charges were huddled around a failing solar campfire not far away, caught up in some intense strategy debate; even as they watched, Eriana made a sharp gesture at Sai and turned to confront Omar. Discussing them in these terms felt like a betrayal. “Eriana loves me.”

“Of course she does,” said Yuka, with infinite patience. “But that word means something different to everyone who says it. Eriana might love you more than anything – or almost anything – but she didn't search a hostile interplanetary wilderness for years just to find you. She didn't rebuild your consciousness almost from scratch. She's never carried you within herself to shield you on the way back from death.” She gave her point a couple of nanoseconds to sink in before pressing it home. “I'm not saying they don't care. It's just different.”

All Jax had been able to muster was a sullen, “Well, I disagree.” Knowing Eriana would have been disappointed in her lack of argument made it worse, somehow.

She had not allowed herself to imagine a level of pain beyond their initial parting. All the way back through the tunnels, the umbilical link tugged at her; by the time she limped her way out of the rift, it had started to burn. The ember she cradled was all that kept her from turning around. _You left_, the rest of her whispered. _You left your Guardian behind in the deeps, lightless and Lightless. The one duty a Ghost has, and you abdicated it_. She could not bring herself to counter that she was only following Eriana's last wish. It was not right that she alone should have found her way back to the stars. A Lightbearer's place was beneath the open sky, and no part of Eriana but the one Jax carried now would ever return there. 

That remnant was failing as fast as Jax's own strength. More than once, she began to sink and dragged herself up again before she could touch the ground. The next time she landed would be the last. There was no need to worry about concealment. Most of the Hive she saw did not trouble her; even the few half-hearted shots they sent her way fell short. Maybe they thought a lone, dying Ghost wasn't worth the effort, or perhaps her suffering in itself was enough to satisfy them. She was at her threshold of endurance now. She passed over it, then went on.

Just when she had begun to think the ember would burn out before she did, she found the place.

It was unremarkable enough that she thought she'd made a mistake, until one of the scattered stones resolved into a small, sad heap of metal. Surely not – surely the Hive would never have left this most impressive of trophies to decay in an unmarked hollow – but there it was. She let go of the air and fell, tumbling down into the dust where it lay discarded.

_I'm here_, she said, Ghost to Ghost. No answer, but she hadn't expected one. _I should have been with you when – well. But I'm here now_.

As faint as they were, she could still sense familiar patterns of Light woven throughout the shell. If she stretched her imagination, she could turn them into more: an echo of laughter among the rocks, a flash of lightning in the cloudless void above. But even if she chose to fool herself, she had to be honest with Eriana's memory.

“There's nothing here,” she said aloud, and made herself relinquish the struggling spark Eriana's wildfire had been reduced to. “Nothing but us dead. I'm sorry.”

The remnant flared up one last time as she laid it down, reaching for the sun's cool, pale disc on instinct. Then it guttered. Now it was gone, Jax could lie without a flicker of self-recrimination; could fancy some trace of its sheen remained, clinging to the air like dew. She could pretend another presence had lingered there – one a little colder, but no less bright. It was not hard to give the hauntings form, to shape them into two Guardians stripped down to starstuff. In her mind's eye, she could grant them that last dance.

She couldn't prolong it. The world tilted on its axis, spun on without her. _Let go_, the deepest part of her said. _Let them go. Let her go._ The name _Jax_ rushed out of her core, evaporating into the sand. She clung to _Eriana-3_ with all she had left. _Let her go. Not for good. Just for now. You'll meet yourself returning._ Ignoring the voice only made it more insistent. It was her own and not her own. _Let her go! Come back!_

An outside observer would have seen two husks huddled next to each other, still seeking comfort in death. Even the most attuned individual might not have picked up on the wisp rising like smoke from one of them. Without context, it would have been near-impossible to recognise it for what it was: a faint suggestion of the Traveller's Light, heading home.

Eriana was adrift in a sea of red.

It should not matter if she sank, but some atavistic reflex drove her to kick out against it. Thorns tore at her robes, dragging her down. She clutched at one, trying to stabilise herself, and it bit deep into her palm. _How is that possible?_ A starburst of pain drowned the question out. Another hand closed around hers, stilled its frantic scrabbling. It dragged her upwards through a shower of scarlet petals. The thorns let her go.

She knew whose face she'd see before she opened her eyes, was certain of it long before she rolled to her feet and stood on the ocean-meadow's flowery surface. There was no mistaking that grip.

“Oh, no,” she said. “No. Go away.”

“Well, that's rude,” said Wei Ning, grinning a crooked grin at her. “After I waited forever and a blade for you? You have no idea how bored I've been.”

“I have _some_ idea,” Eriana countered, picking up the banter as if they'd never left off. Then she remembered herself. “Look, you have to understand - I see you all the time, but it's not really you. You're a memory I've conjured up, or you're a bug in the system. You're never just yourself -” She stopped there, too acutely aware of Wei Ning's fingers laced through her own to continue.

“I can't make you trust me,” Wei Ning said, face turning serious. She stepped forward, watching Eriana's lights as if they were in the middle of an argument. When Eriana did not recoil, her shoulders relaxed. Slowly, eyes up, she raised their interlocked hands to her lips and pressed a hot kiss to the tips of Eriana's fingers. “I can tell you nothing's changed on my side. What you did to avenge us – I should be glad you didn't succeed this time, because I've seen what happens when you do. I'm not glad. I want to claw my way back to life just so I can go and punch the song out of her throat.” Her gaze held Eriana's, sharpened by fury. “Which would be a kindness compared to what I'd do to him.”

“Suppose I do believe you,” Eriana said, knowing it was a foregone conclusion. “Where do we go from here?”

“On, I think,” Wei Ning said, gesturing at some point beyond Eriana's shoulder. When Eriana turned to look, she was dazzled by contrast. It took longer than usual for her eyes to start making sense out of the colours in front of her; when they did, she saw a grid of blazing silver lines stretching out into dim infinity. The red sea was a river, she realised; enormous and slow, flowing inexorably on down toward it. On the periphery of her vision, petals and stems tumbled over a hidden boundary into darkness. After giving her some time to take it in, Wei Ning went on. “I've seen us. Different versions of us, just running back and forth along those lines. Always hand in hand.”

“Always hand in hand,” Eriana echoed. Her palm still hurt. When she turned it over, the inexplicable wound had become a starry void. Would it ever stop bleeding? What would she be without the Light but a hollow vessel, ringing when struck? A cry sounded in the distance. She glanced up just in time to see two shadows racing along a diagonal line. They winked out of existence as soon as they reached the next intersection, leaving a trail of ghostly images behind them.

“Maybe we should stay here,” she said – but she was already moving forward. The thorny river pitched and rolled under her feet. Even without the lightning, Wei Ning's hand felt very warm in hers.

“Maybe we should.” The gentle nudge Wei Ning gave her almost knocked her off balance. “But when has _should_ ever stopped us?”

Eriana squeezed her fingers a little tighter, as if that would help staunch the flow of brightness. “Do you think it's given up on us? The Light, I mean? And what about our Ghosts?”

“Do I look like a Warlock?” Wei Ning said, earning herself a less gentle nudge in return. “No, I think – I think it had better come back, that's all I can say. What if we run into a wall I can't put my fist through? I'd never live it down.”

“You're not living it down now,” Eriana said, unable to resist. She flashed a brilliant smile at Wei Ning, who raised an eyebrow and let go of her hand. Eriana threw her palms up, old sparring reflexes no less strong in the absence of fire. Moving almost too fast to track, Wei Ning caught her by the collar, planted a kiss on her chin, and raced off downcurrent. Shrugging off the last of her uncertainty, Eriana broke into a laughing, joyous sprint.

Some part of her would never leave here, she thought, just as part of her had never left the Tower. No matter where the criss-crossing lines took them, they would always loop back around to this: two happy memories chasing each other into the dark.

**Author's Note:**

> /saunters back into Crying Over Dead Lore Characters hell courtesy of Shadowkeep
> 
> This was originally supposed to be a coda to Wake Up and Wake Up, but I was impatient to get _something_ posted after having been away for so long and ended up finishing it first. Title yoinked from "In The Middle of This Nowhere" on Hammock's Oblivion Hymns album, which I guess is now my official Eriana-3/Wei Ning and the Fireteam of Sadness soundtrack. Thank you for reading!


End file.
